Rantings, Frustrated

Hey, all. Blogging from the back seat of my dad's car. We've just travelled about looking for a vet because my granddad's puppy has been really sick, and it's been throwing up the medications it was previously prescribed and losing weight at a worrying rate. Right now it's asleep on the floor, having just been sick again. But the vet we were hoping to leave it at for overnight observation is shut for the Chinese New Year holidays. So we're driving back to grandfolks' place, and will keep feeding it its meds and pray for the best. Sigh.

Oh yea, I'm in Penang right now. Chinese fukkin New Year. Have I mentioned I loathe it? I loathe it with a vengeance. And I seem to be more irritable and frustrated than ever this time round, which should be worrisome since I'm not even sure why. Then again, I've been feeling this melancholy for a while now. A sense of failure and feeling like I have nothing to look forward to in the future. Maybe it's depression. I dunno. I should find out officially once and for all, but it all seems so futile and too much effort.

Anyway, whatever. I'll smile and pretend to be happy in the company of relatives. But I swear, the first one who comments on my weight in a bad way, I will not hesitate to react in a bad way. Yes, I'm thinner now than before, but I've been eating plenty lately. Mostly to make myself feel happier when I'm down. It works for a while, then I regret all the bingeing and I wind up depressed again. So to cheer myself up, I binge. See the cycle? Even when I'm not hungry, I feel compelled to stuff my face so I can feel comforted. Fukkmylife.

Happy fukkin Chinese fukkin New fukkin Year.